For almost four years, I've protected you and your family from me and my family - those who wanted to salt you, get you drunk or otherwise end your tiny little slimy lives.
For almost four years, I let you destroy my plants, poop on my entryway and make out on my front door - random drippy stuff and all. Did you know that even 409 can't clean your trails? All of this, despite the fact that you look like a dehydrated penis with antlers.
So, I'm sorry, Snailio Iglesias. I'm sorry that in a moment of inattention, I smooshed your innards through your head. The *POP* still haunts me.
I hope you know that I tried. And I hope that slug heaven has all the greenery, dampness and hootchie sluggettes that your little heart can handle.
