Lists of Lists

Top 3 Reasons You Know You're Not a Nurturer:

1. When your husband goes in for knee surgery, and all you can do is joke about how tragic it would be if the surgeon mixed him up with the sex change operation.

2. When your husband gets out of knee surgery, and all you can do is stare at the bizarre, creepy part of his leg that is shaved and pray for speedy regrowth.

3. When your husband recovers from knee surgery, and all you can do is give him your latest respiratory illness in a long, long lifetime of respiratory illnesses that has earned you top dog on the CDC Hot Spot list ... the kind of viral infestation with high fevers and post nasal drip... so that he has to choose between pain medication and cold medication. It's almost like SAW XVI.


Four Latest Obsessions

1. Hollywould Ballet Flats
2. Reading (novel, eh? .... badda bing)
3. Alchemy on MSN Zone Games (nerd)
4. Raisin Bran (which requires milk, which requires a grocery store run, which rarely ever happens, which means this obsession is not long for this world.)


Top 3 Violations of Human Etiquette

1. The guy toting the Starbucks who just waited in line for 15 minutes for a cup of coffee but insists on sticking his hand between the closing elevator doors so that he doesn't have to wait another 10 seconds for the next elevator, leaving you to wait another 15 seconds for the door to close again.

2. The lady who enters a six-stall public bathroom when you are the only occupant, and who insists in on using the stall right next to yours rather than the other five that span the grand expanse of toilet land. She is the same lady who finishes quickly, but then spends 25 minutes staring into the mirror, adjusting her lipstick, when all you really, truly, deeply want is just a little bit of privacy. (That's "privissy" - pronounced like the bloody Brits. Tally ho.)

3. The dude in the minivan (sorry, Joanie!) who insists on darting out in front of you notwithstanding the mile between you and the car behind you, and who then proceeds to travel at 7 miles under the speed limit even though he just risked his life to get in front of you. His kid might be an honor student, but he's a class A chowderhead in need of a serious ass whoopin'.