An Open Letter to God

Dear God,

Really? Really. I mean no disrespect, but it's time for a little come-to-Jesus talk. The new guy you just hired for VP of Weather Operations, Northwest Division of the USA subsidiary, has really jumped the track.

His decision-making skills are undermining your very best efforts to save the planet. With every record-breaking snowfall we receive, there are seventeen sets of 163 rednecks around an open fire, polishing their gun racks and snacking on pork and beans, decrying the possibility of global warming, because... well, hell Bucephalus! it's colder, not warmer.

Personally, I can't "love thy neighbor" because my neighbor finds snowfall an even greater justification for his dog's poop-and-run strategic ops.

"No idols," you command? Check out the small humans bowing before their disfigured Frosty.

And while I might not covet my neighbor's house, I sure as hell covet their all-wheel-drive, and so bought one myself, because no decent hybrid can get up the hill. Show me one that can and I will show you a genuine miracle.

Hail Mary and amen,

Me